We'll Make It Through
by Yesterday's Tragedy
Summary: Ikuto has been gone for three years, and in that time Amu has become really depressed and destructive. Ikuto wants to help Amu, to show her that she really can be happy. Will Ikuto's efforts pay off, or will Amu fall victim to what's in her own head?
1. Chapter 1

There are a lot of days when I honestly feel like I can't physically get out of my bed because I'm anchored there by sadness. This was one of those days.

I call these my bad days, and they consist of me sitting in my room all day with the lights off, alternating between crying and cutting myself. These are the days that people avoid me on; they pretend I don't exist on bad days. I can't blame them.

I'll usually just yell really loudly that I'm having a bad day and my family understands that I'm not to be disturbed because they don't want to deal with me. My friends pretty much run when they hear the words "bad day."

This bad day, however, was different.

I was noon and I'd been awake for a couple hours. My family knew it was a bad day, and they ignored my like always. By this time I was a teary-faced bloody mess huddled in the corner of my room, not ready to deal with the real world. This was normal.

What wasn't normal was the fact that I had a visitor. I didn't know who it could be, my parents had given up on me and my friends are too afraid of bad days to come near me. It was Ikuto. It was fucking Ikuto.

He knocked on my door and came in when I didn't respond.

"Oh my god, Amu. What the hell happened to you?"

I slowly turned around to see Ikuto. I haven't seen him in three fucking years.

I was torn between hatred and relief, and my voiced cracked when I said, "What are you doing here?"

He ignored me, though. He was shocked by the sight of blood all over my arms and legs. He saw the razor in my hand and all the cuts that were pouring out blood.

I could feel a huge lump in my throat. I didn't know what to do; I was mortified that he was seeing me like this, but I also felt so ridiculously numb inside that I was having trouble caring about his presence. I have a lot of trouble with emotions.

Finally, Ikuto did something. He went to get a towel to try and clean the blood off of me.

He came back and started wiping my arms gently, just mumbling, "Amu, Amu, oh my god."

I sat there silently, letting him do what he needed to feel like he was helping me. I was still having a little trouble believing that he was actually here in front of me. He's been gone for three years looking for his dad, and now he's come back to find me like this.

When Ikuto finished cleaning me up, he put some gauze over my cuts and we sat on the bed in silence until he spoke up.

"What happened to you, Amu?"

I just shrugged. There wasn't much that I could say for myself. I just got ridiculously depressed and I couldn't cope with my feelings.

"Amu, are you okay? Oh my god, you're so not okay. Have you been getting help? Do you parents know? What about your friends? What the fuck happened?" Ikuto was still a little hysterical, but he mostly seemed sad.

"My parents gave up on me a long time ago. When I turned 18 they let me continue to live in their house, but they don't really care about me anymore."

Ikuto looked close to tears, "Why?"

"I don't know. I'm just fucking sick I guess. I don't fucking know why I'm so fucked up!" I was getting angry at this point. I've never really known why I'm so depressed, and that frustrates me beyond belief.

I got up to walk around and try to cool off a bit.

Ikuto gasped. "Amu, you're so thin! Have you been eating?"

"How the hell can I eat when I'm so fucking massive, Ikuto? Why are you even here, shouldn't you be looking for your dad!?" I was getting more and more pissed off at Ikuto, mostly for not being here for the past three years.

"I found him, and it wasn't what I thought it would be. He moved on, he has another family and he didn't want anything to do with me," Ikuto told me sadly.

This made my anger dissipate slightly, "I'm really sorry Ikuto. That's really awful. Dammit, shitty things happen to people all the time, but what's really happened to me? Nothing! I'm so stupid and selfish!"

I was on the floor at this point, with tears just streaming out of my eyes. I wanted Ikuto to comfort me, but I also wanted him to stay as far away from me as possible.

He came to comfort me. He wrapped his long arms around me, and I felt warm. He started crying, too. Soon we were both just sitting there, together, wrapped up in a blanket of sadness that we couldn't shake off. It felt nice, though. I didn't really want it to end.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning to the blaring sunlight coming in through my window and Ikuto's sort breath on my neck.

We were wrapped in each other's arms, lying on the floor. I guess were both too exhausted to move to a more comfortable position after last night. I'm still a little embarrassed, but a pretty big part of me doesn't really give a fuck.

Ikuto's eyes fluttered open and he just looked at me for a moment before speaking. "What happened to you Amu?" It came out barely a whisper.

I just shook my head slowly. "I honestly don't really know what happened to me, but I do know that it's been progressing since I was like, 13. I just got really sad sometimes, and then sometimes turned into most of the time, and then it turned into all the time. By the time I turned 17, I became the mess that you see before you."

"I should've done something. I should've known. We became friends when you were 13 and I was 15, I should've realized," Ikuto said, wrongfully blaming himself.

I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "It's not your fucking fault. Don't ever believe that. I hid it really well until I pretty much gave up at 17. You had been gone for two whole years at that point with no communication. I've been in this state for a year now. There's nothing you could have done. We haven't even seen each other for three years."

Ikuto sighed and said, "I could've stayed. I could've at least stayed in touch. I'm such a horrible friend."

"No. You're not a bad friend. You did nothing wrong. This is my shit, not yours. Don't blame yourself, and don't get too attached to me now that you're back. You'll just run away like everyone else."

Ikuto looked a little hurt. "Why would I run away? Because I left before?"

"No, it's just that people get tired of dealing with me. My parents act like I don't exist and Rima and Nagi and Yaya, they just stopped putting up with me after awhile. I don't blame them."

Ikuto sat up. "Amu, I'm not going to sun away. I want to be your friend. Please let me stay and help you."

By this point I had learned not to depend on people too much. I knew Ikuto would bolt after a few more bad days, so I wasn't kidding myself into believing that he wouldn't when I said, "Fine."

Ikuto's face broke into a smile. "Good. Are you feeling okay today?"

I thought about the question for a second. He was asking if today would be a repeat of yesterday. "Yeah, today feels like a normal day. I think I'll be okay today."

For me, normal days are days when I can function. These are days when I can leave my room and not completely break down. The chances are more than likely that I'll end up with more than a few new cuts by the end of today, but it won't be like yesterday. It's like a gray haze instead of a storm.

We got out of my bed and I told him that I'd meet him downstairs after I change. I was still wearing shorts and a tank top and my arms and legs were still covered in bloody gauze. I don't understand how Ikuto wasn't repulsed by this sight.

I changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. They hid my body and my bandages, which I would need to remove later.

I went downstairs to find Ikuto sitting on the couch, looking a little uncomfortable. "My parents are at work and Ami's at school," I informed him.

He relaxed a little, "Okay."

"Do you want some breakfast or something?"

Ikuto nodded and I went to the kitchen to find him some food. He followed me, looking a little concerned.

"Are you going to have anything?" Ikuto questioned.

"No, I'm not hungry; I'll just have some coffee. Do you want any?" I asked.

Ikuto shook his head, probably nervous about my lack of breakfast. He let it go though. "I'll just have some cereal."

A few minutes later I sat down with my black coffee, cream and sugar have too many calories, and Ikuto had his bowl of cheerios. I knew we were about to have a lighter conversation than our previous ones, which were mostly about my mental state.

"So what are you doing now?" Ikuto started us off.

"Not much of anything. I graduated a few months ago and decided not to go college. I know I can't handle it. Now I live in my parents' house and do basically nothing with my life. How about you?"

"Well I just got back from my dad-search. I was thinking about maybe trying to get a job somewhere. Do you want to help?"

* * *

I agreed and we set off into town on a job search. We discussed Ikuto's trip and all the adventures he had. It sounded like he had a great time, until he finally found his dad. He came back disheartened and without the desire to play his violin. I thought that was sad.

After a few stops, we came to a cute little café called Jake's Coffee House. We went inside with high hopes.

Ikuto spoke to the person behind the counter, "Are you hiring right now?"

The enthusiastic looking boy said, "Yeah, are you both interested? We have two positions open right now."

Ikuto looked over at me, silently asking if I wanted to work with him.

"Um…" was all that came out of my mouth. I didn't really know if I wanted the job, but I figured I should try to do something with my life, so I said yes.

"Good! You guys are both hired; we're really desperate for staff at the moment. I'm Kukai by the way," the boy said.

"I'm Ikuto and this is Amu," he said, gesturing to me. I mustered a small smile and gave a small wave.

"Cool, I'll train you guys tomorrow, okay?"

We agreed and headed back home.

* * *

We got back to my house and I said, "I feel accomplished. I think it will be good for me to get out of the house more often. But, what will I do on bad days, Ikuto?" I asked with a hint of desperation in my voice. This was a concern that had just occurred to me.

"Well that's what I'm here for. I'm going to help you through the bad days. A job will be a good motivator on those days."

I smiled a little at this, "Thanks Ikuto. You're just what I need in my life right now."

He gave me a small hug, "Good. I'm always going to be there for Amu."

Part of me was hoping that he really would be there for me, even though in my mind I knew that people never stayed. My walls were starting to come down. The culprit was the 20 year old, blue haired boy sitting next to me that I haven't seen in three years. He was always been a weakness of mine.


End file.
